Showers of blessings

Today I had an appointment with my therapists and they first questioned me on how I’m doing without the medications. I explained that I’m past the withdrawal stage and that I am so much more clear and focused in life now than I ever was before. I reiterated several times that it’s because I’ve turned everything over to God and I am letting Him have control over my life. The questioning continued to make sure I have safeguards in place just in case something happens that may cause me to need the meds again. I am grateful that I have counselors who are adamant on making sure I stay safe and healthy. I explained that I’m not just living on a cloud nine spiritual experience, but that I’m cultivating a new way of life that is incorporating my faith and the coping skills I’m learning in the individual and group therapy sessions. I have a spiritual mentor I can turn to, and I’ve made several friends who share my faith and are also striving to fulfill their purpose God has for them. My therapists even stated that I may have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder since I have done so well coming off the medications, but I know this is not the case. I know the manic and depressive episodes I experienced were true stages of bipolar disorder. The difference now is that I am relying on God to give me the power and strength to overcome my demons. And God is blessing me in enormous ways that I never thought possible. I don’t carry the shame and guilt of my past abuse and poor choices I’ve made in life like I used to. I’ve unclenched my fists from the tight grasp they had on bitterness and anger and self-loathing. I am making leaps and bounds in old and new relationships that I am intentionally putting effort into so that I can develop more deep and meaningful interactions. I have been complimented so many times recently on my glowing countenance and physical appearance. I am not trying to be vain; in fact, it has been very humbling each time someone has complimented me in regards to how I look. It is something I’ve always wanted because one of my biggest disappointments and fears has always been rejection. The only reason why my appearance is different now is that I’ve let God do the transformation instead of stubbornly trying to do it on my own. And I’m not saying everything in my life is picture perfect now either. I still have my huge faults that get me in trouble and cause pain to myself and others. I still have a few big dreams that I beg God for daily to help make them come true, and I feel like they are just a few more steps away. He has brought me this far, and I believe He will grant me the desires of my heart because I am focusing on Him and asking for Him to guide me so that I will pursue and want what His plans are for me anyway.